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Jewish World Review Feb. 3, 2003 / 1 Adar I, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The INS announced Thursday there are seven million illegal immigrants living in the United States. The number is a reliable estimate. When leaf blowers were outlawed in California last summer, seven million rakes were purchased the next day.

Phenom LeBron James was suspended from Ohio high school basketball Friday. He was entering the draft anyway. At this point, it's not certain whether that will be the NBA draft or the military draft but either way he winds up with the Cavaliers.

Newsweek says U.S. intelligence possesses audiotapes of Iraqi officials plotting to conceal evidence and foil investigators. This can only mean one thing. When Bill Clinton didn't pay his lawyers they were forced to go looking for other clients.

Bachelorette contestant Greg Todtman was busted at JFK Airport for possessing cocaine Friday. An ABC spokesman said it was actually a sleeping pill. Under Los Angeles dating rules, if he can slip it into her drink without her noticing, he wins.

Saddam Hussein continued Thursday to resist White House demands that he step down from power and go into exile. His timetable is his own creation. He plans to keep insulting the Jews until the Nixon Library sends a helicopter for him.

O.J. Simpson's daughter Sydney called Florida police last month to complain that her dad was verbally abusing her. O.J.'s lawyer told reporters that it's difficult to be a single parent. In this particular case, it's always toughest on the mother.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton