Jewish World Review June 3, 2002 / 22 Sivan, 5762
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Senator Tom Daschle said recent Southern governorship victories point to the return of Southern Democrats. The first Southern Democrat was Christopher Columbus. He left home not knowing where he was going; he arrived not knowing where he was; he went home, not knowing where he had been; and he did it all on government money.
The Washington Times says Islamic terrorists have smuggled Stingers into America to down airliners. The missiles are so easy to use they're classified fire-and-forget. It's a technology perfected on Wall Street during the last round of layoffs.
Don Rumsfeld was sent Thursday to a South Asia that's teetering on the brink of nuclear war that will wipe them all out. He was the obvious choice. This guy goes all the way back to the Nixon Administration so they figured he's lived most his life.
The State Department told U.S. citizens to leave India and Pakistan due to the fear of imminent nuclear war. The effects would be catastrophic. Both countries are the early favorites to win the three-legged race at the 2004 Olympics in Athens.
The Pentagon spent $101 million on luxury items at overseas bases. They paid $24,000 for a loveseat, $19,000 for decorative river rock, and $2,400 for white sand. It's just a matter of time before Martha Stewart declares she's an Army of One.
FedEx will pay dividends to shareholders for the first time in history. It's all due to terrorism. Businesses are FedExing their mail, travelers are FedExing their luggage and Yasser Arafat needed something more reliable than the Iranian Navy.
Arizona Cardinals safety Pat Tillman quit the NFL last week to join the Army Rangers. His agent suggested it. Thanks to the players agreeing to a salary cap, capturing Osama bin laden is the only way he will ever make $25 million in one year.
Airports reported Thursday that sales at gift shops are up this year despite fewer travelers. They say increased business is due to airport security delays. So if you are keeping score at home, Osama bin Laden gets credit for another boom.
The FBI faced questions Thursday over what they were doing the last five years as Osama plotted the World Trade Center attack. They've been plenty busy. The FBI knew nothing about September 11th, but they had a dossier on Kathleen Willey's mob ties, photostats of George W.'s 1976 DUI, and a roster of Henry Hyde's mistresses.
The Clinton Presidential Library was refused a tax break on Wednesday by the Arkansas state government. Officials said the decision had to be made on the basis of what's legal and what's not. They're just not in the spirit of the thing.