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Jewish World Review May 8, 2003 / 6 Iyar, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | U.N. cafeteria workers went berserk Friday and looted all the food and liquor in U.N. headquarters. Even the silverware disappeared. Everyone agreed the auditions for civil administrator for Baghdad went well and callbacks are scheduled for next week.

Jacques Chirac sent Tony Blair six bottles of 1989 Chateau Mouton Rothschild wine for his 50th birthday. It's a great vintage. The French president opened a bottle for himself and the cork made such a loud pop the Paris garrison surrendered.

Gary Hart announced Tuesday he won't run for president in 2004. He admitted that he doesn't have the enthusiasm for the mechanics of campaigning. It's hard to believe he could have been in politics this long and not have heard of Viagra yet.

White House Budget Director Mitch Daniels quit Monday to run for governor of Indiana. He may win. He guided the budget from surplus to hundreds of billions in the hole, which shouldn't hurt him in a state that's home to the Dan Quayle Library.

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry canceled a few campaign events due to a severe hoarse throat, evident at Saturday's debate. It's an occupational hazard for all politicians. Laryngitis is G-d's gift to people who know everything.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton