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Jewish World Review Dec. 20, 2002 / 15 Teves, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Trent Lott battled for support from GOP senators Wednesday as he desperately tried to keep his post of Majority Leader. Let the deals begin. Normally Trent Lott does not cuss, but you can expect to see twenty-six dams in next year's budget.

The Washington Post said Senator Don Nickles belongs to the all-male Burning Tree Country Club in Maryland. Republicans could care less. He could be the next Majority Leader as long as it's not the Burning Cross Country Club in Maryland.

The General Accounting Office ran a survey finding widespread public dislike of the one-dollar coin. It found only five percent of the American population has used the one-dollar coin. That's how many referees there are during bowl season.

West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin completed his court-ordered drug rehab this week. He was busted at the airport for carrying pot, cocaine and mushrooms. Ever since airlines began cutting back, people have been forced to bring their own snacks.

The Gallup Poll out Wednesday showed Senator Hillary Clinton with a big lead over all other Democratic candidates if she were to run for president. She's one of a kind. Most women who want to make their husbands jealous simply have an affair.

Bill Clinton accused the GOP of running on the Confederate flag issue to win in Georgia. He never ran against the flag in Arkansas. If he doesn't stop these incendiary comments, his presidential library may be forced to move to a free state.

Bill Clinton held a Christmas party at Sean Penn's New York restaurant. Its specialty is Barricuda Ceviche, chunks of barracuda cooked in acid. It sounds like Sean Penn was able to swap recipes with Saddam Hussein during his trip to Baghdad.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton