Jewish World Review April 29, 2003 / 27 Nisan, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
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Saddam Hussein celebrated his sixty-sixth birthday on
Monday. He had no gaudy bedroom, no sunken bars, no cases of
scotch, no mirrored ceiling, and no selection of women. In support
of the troops, Caesar's Palace refused to honor his reservation.
Frank Sinatra's valet, George Jacobs, wrote in Playboy this
month he saw Jack Kennedy snorting cocaine with hookers during the
1960 campaign. It sent ripples through the political world. Gary
Hart just realized he's got a lot of living to do.
The Kentucky Derby will be run on Saturday at Churchill
Downs in Louisville, Kentucky, and will be televised by NBC
Sports. Last year, track bookies took in a record $190 million in
wagers. A racetrack is a place where windows clean people.
GOP Senator George Voinovich of Ohio vowed Sunday he will
resist White House pressure to support Bush tax cuts. It can only
help his career to stand up to the president. He's dreamed all his
life of opening for the Dixie Chicks in Branson.
President Bush visited Henry Ford's hometown of Dearborn,
Michigan, on Monday. He was promoting his Middle East policy.
Thirty percent of Dearborn residents claim Arab ancestry, while
the other seventy percent are just conventional anti-Semites.
USOC Chairman Bill Martin revealed plans Friday to help Iraq
restore Olympic sports. How about an exchange program? America can
help Iraq restore sports, and Iraq can teach American athletes how
to hide chemical weapons from an Olympic drug test.
Shiites staged an anti-American protest march in Karbala
Tuesday. They beat their heads bloody with chains and whips. The
Betty Ford Center is full of people who would use the downfall of
their country just to get their painkiller prescriptions refilled.
Monica Lewinsky hosts a hit prime time show on Fox TV called
Mr. Personality. Hillary has a huge book deal, and Paula Jones is
on the conservative lecture circuit. Back in 1992, Bill Clinton
promised better-paying jobs for women, and he sure delivered.
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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