Jewish World Review August 2, 2002 /23 Menachem-Av, 5762
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | General Motors unveiled technology Wednesday that can determine the severity of a crash within seconds. It calls for help automatically. Within one minute, five corporate executives are led away in handcuffs and everything is okay again.
Jim Traficant entered prison Wednesday saying he will win his Congressional seat back this November. He's got a lot of nerve thinking he can make a comeback from inside the cooler. He may be an effective congressman but he's no Ted Williams.
President Bush invited China's president Jiang Zemin to Crawford, Texas, one weekend this October. The problem is, Baylor football fans have all the hotel rooms reserved. It's not known how many Southern Baptists will give up their rooms to accommodate the leader of Communist China, but it's expected he'll sleep in the car.
Senator Robert Byrd blocked the Homeland Security bill Tuesday. It combines twenty-two federal law enforcement agencies without touching the FBI or the CIA. A diagram of the new organization just attracted a $6 million bid from the Museum of Modern Art.
Teddy Kennedy raged in the Senate Wednesday when the Democratic prescription drug bill failed to pass. It contained many unnecessary benefits. Nursing home recreation rooms do not have a constitutional right to a disco ball on the ceiling.
Enron wants to sell its 40-story glass office tower in Houston. It is quite nice. They say the 60-story building has been certified by fire marshal Arthur Andersen who has never seen an 80-story building as safe as this 100-story building.
Merrill Lynch was grilled in the Senate Tuesday for conspiring with Enron to falsify income. They face sanctions. The Federal Trade Commission wants Merrill Lynch to drop the bull from its corporate logo and replace it with a dog's hind leg.
A Russian Mafia chieftain was arrested in Italy Wednesday on U.S. charges of trying to fix the ice dancing event in the 2002 Olympics. He had just arrived in Italy. Until Sunday he was the Commissioner of Little League Baseball in New Jersey.
Ford Motors introduced its ultra-luxurious 2003 Lincoln Navigator that sells for $110,000. It comes equipped with more electronic features than any vehicle ever. The interior is so elegant that the cupholder is an Englishman named Reginald.