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Jewish World Review June 12, 2002 / 2 Tamuz, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The FBI arrested Jose Padilla for training with al- Qaeda to set off a dirty bomb in Washington. He's a pretty sharp cookie. A few years ago, he changed his name to Abdullah Al Mujahir so could enter and leave the United States more easily.

Martin Sheen campaigned for Kathleen Kennedy Townsend in Maryland on Monday. They share similar concerns. The Sum of All Fears shows an atom bomb exploding in her city of Baltimore, and Martin Sheen's producer likes to work in a mushroom cloud.

The Los Angeles Lakers are hoping to sweep the New Jersey Nets four games in a row tonight in New Jersey on NBC. However, the Nets are not out of it just yet. John Gotti is finally in a position where he can fix one of the games for them.

Senator Byron Dorgan of North Dakota announced his committee will investigate steroid use in Major League baseball. He's very suspicious of these annual home run records. It was just Mark McGwire's luck that Roger Maris was from North Dakota.

Israel sent tanks and soldiers into Ramallah Monday to surround the compound of Yasser Arafat. They want to deport him. They would have killed him, but any preacher will tell you the neighborhood has the world's highest rate of resurrections.

Don Rumsfeld said Iraq is lying about not having any biological or chemical weapons programs. He had to laugh. When you've studied under Richard Nixon, you feel like a minor league scout when you hear Saddam Hussein say he is not a crook.

Al Gore bashed the White House on Sunday for disregarding a report that says humans cause global warming. He says global warming is caused by emissions from cars, power plants and oil refineries. He wishes he had never invented any of them.

The New York Times wouldn't print a story on September 8th by reporter John Burns warning of an imminent al-Qaeda attack. The FBI and CIA ignored similar warnings in August. If the American colonists were this vigilant, Paul Revere would've ridden through Lexington and Concord shouting that the British are leaving.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton