Jewish World Review Feb. 28, 2002 / 16 Adar, 5762
And now for the
important news ....
The Washington Wizards announced Michael Jordan will
have knee surgery that could knock him out the rest of the
year. It's no surprise. Orthopedic surgeons warned him
that he was too old to beg his wife for forgiveness on a
NBA star Jayson Williams faces reckless manslaughter
charges in the shotgun death of his driver in his New
Jersey home. It was accidental. Jayson Williams was
famous as a great outside shooter but unfortunately the
limo driver was inside.
Enron's Jeff Skilling and Sherron Watkins testified
before the U.S. Senate Tuesday. They spent eight hours
spinning, skating on thin ice and landing on their feet.
The Olympic judges just announced they will award a third
gold medal in the pairs event.
Columbia University said Monday a fourth of all
liquor in the U.S. is consumed by teenagers. They're doing
their patriotic duty. During the Super Bowl, President
Bush told them that if they use illegal drugs, they are
just helping the terrorists.
The U.S. Senate Ethics Committee will investigate
Senator Robert Torricelli for taking gifts from a campaign
contributor. He got a Rolex watch, an Oriental rug,
Italian suits and cash. It's the first Senate
investigation ever hosted by Bob Barker.
President Bush decided last week to store U.S.
nuclear waste near Las Vegas. It's amazing. Who would've
believed that the man who restored honor and dignity to the
White House would someday be responsible for showgirls who
glow in the dark?
The White House announced Tuesday an expansion in the
war on terrorism. They are sending U.S. troops to the
former Soviet Republic of Georgia. A near riot broke out
in Los Angeles when 60,000 women turned out to audition for
the role of Scarlett.
Saudi Arabia's Prince Abdullah proposed granting Arab
recognition of Israel if Israel agrees to retreat to their
pre-1967 borders. No one remembers what those were. That
was so long ago that the Axis of Evil was known as the
Nexus of Naughty.
President Bush unveiled Monday a welfare reform plan
that encourages welfare mothers to get married. He wants
to spend $300 million for government marriage counseling.
It sounds like Chelsea Clinton just scored her first
The GAO sued Dick Cheney to turn over the Energy Task
Force records. He says whoever he meets in the White House
is nobody's business. You would think that after one year,
they would have gotten Bill Clinton's speeches off the
The Pentagon scrapped the new Office of Strategic
Influence over fears that the office might spread false
information to confuse America's enemies. Donald Rumsfeld
pledged that he would always tell reporters the truth. Now
that he's got money in the bank and Nixon is dead, telling
the truth is a risk-free
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton