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Jewish World Review Oct. 3, 2002 / 27 Tishrei, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Iraqi officials agreed Tuesday to allow U.N. inspections to search anywhere in Iraq for chemical weapons factories except Saddam Hussein's palaces. They're easy to locate on a satellite map. There's a hole in the ozone directly over each of them.

White House spokesman Ari Fleischer declared Tuesday that the cheapest way to get rid of Saddam is for someone to shoot him. It wouldn't really be cheaper. If he asked for a last cigarette, the tobacco lawsuit would dwarf the cost of any war.

Don Rumsfeld moved the U.S. military command from Florida to the Persian Gulf to facilitate an attack on Iraq. The skies are darkening. At this point, Saddam Hussein couldn't avoid a strike if he agreed to revenue sharing and steroid testing.

A German intelligence analyst said Friday photos of Saddam Hussein reveal he has three doubles walking around Baghdad. That's how it is with powerful men. Plenty of nights, Teddy Kennedy had three doubles driving around Martha's Vineyard.

Senator Bob Torricelli quit the New Jersey Senate race in tears Monday. He is leaving Washington with a clear conscience and a six million dollar campaign war chest. It's just more evidence that a clean getaway is New Jersey's leading export.

Jesse Jackson demanded that the producers of Barbershop cut jokes about Martin Luther King's infidelity. He said you mustn't kid civil rights leaders. The next day, Reverend Jackson continued his year of personal atonement by flying to Rio without his wife.



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© 2002, Argus Hamilton