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Jewish World Review April 8, 2003 / 6 Nisan, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The Masters is played this week at Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia. It should be very exciting. Martha Burk thinks she's going to lay down the law to a Scottish sport in a Rebel state in a town named after the mother of King George III.

The Cincinnati Reds celebrated Opening Day last week in the team's new Great American Ballpark. It caused some concern. The new baseball stadium is twice the size of the old baseball stadium, so the steroid problem might not be limited to the players.

Robert Blake pleaded not guilty in Los Angeles County Court to murdering his wife. He's free on the terms of his bail. Robert Blake promised to wear an ankle monitor at all times, to stay inside the county, and to read the judge's screenplay.

Mexican President Vicente Fox said the United States had no business invading Iraq and called for the U.S. to withdraw and go home. This hurts. If there's one thing for which Mexicans are well-respected, it's their belief in the sanctity of borders.

The Commerce Department on Friday warned U.S. companies vying to rebuild Iraq that Iraq's annual vacation period is set in stone. The Iraqis traditionally never work in June. In that respect they are exactly like the Los Angeles Clippers.

President Bush met Tony Blair in Northern Ireland on Monday to discuss a new Ulster accord. Protestants and Catholics there have no peaceful way of settling religious scores that go back four hundred years. They don't have college football.

CBS News says the Federal Reserve is being lobbied to take actions that would lower mortgage rates to four percent. Some economists predict this would end the recession. Economic forecasting has one primary function, which is to make astrology look respectable.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton