Jewish World Review August 28, 2002 / 20 Elul, 5762
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | General Tommy Franks met with the leaders of Tajikistan Monday. Afterwards he got a good look at Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan. The general is testing a new set of military night goggles and these countries are the eye charts.
Dick Cheney told the Veterans of Foreign Wars that the U.S. will remove Saddam Hussein from power. For now, it's all talk. No one will believe that the regime is near collapse until Playboy announces plans for a spread featuring the Girls of Baghdad.
Enron executive Michael Kopper pleaded guilty to corporate fraud Tuesday. It was welcome news all around. The chief executive officers from Adelphia, WorldCom and ImClone didn't want to go to a country club prison until they had a foursome.
Congress returns Tuesday with Jim Traficant in jail and Bob Barr and Cynthia McKinney beaten. Where's the personality? Washington is so boring, the Jefferson Memorial yesterday admitted to fathering a statue out of wedlock, just to liven things up.
New York Lt. Governor candidate Dennis Mehiel confessed fathering two out-of-wedlock kids in addition to three kids by his wife. It's impressive. With numbers like that, he could be the first politician ever inducted into the NBA Hall of Fame.
The NCAA refused to let the Arkansas Razorbacks bring their team on a field trip to the state prison. It was a good idea. At the rate players are getting arrested, by next season, first downs are going to be measured by real chain gangs.
Senator Hillary Clinton is reportedly holed up in her Chappaqua house this week working on the First Lady memoirs she agreed to write. She's all alone in that drafty old house. Her husband never stays there because the back stairs creak.