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Jewish World Review May 22, 2002 / 11 Sivan, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | War Emblem trainer Bob Baffert said Sunday he'll keep his horse at Churchill Downs until he goes for the Triple Crown at the Belmont in New York. Bettors are flooding the White House switchboard. They think Bush knows everything in advance.

Dick Cheney warned Sunday that another terror attack will happen on American soil. It could be a bomb in a stadium, at the mall or in a public square. We've just spent $30 billion to find out that the safest place in America is on a plane.

Shoe bomber Richard Reid was denied bail in federal court in Boston Monday. The judge said he thinks Reid is a flight risk. It's a good thing he's a judge because that kind of thinking would give an FBI agent a reputation for showboating.

FBI Director Robert Mueller said Monday it's just a matter of time before the United States gets hit by suicide strikes. The situation is past the point of no return. Both the players and owners seem hell-bent on ending baseball as we know it.

Senator Ted Kennedy is holding hearings this week in the Senate subcommittee on Public Health to search for answers to the obesity epidemic sweeping America. It's all really so sad. Bill Clinton doesn't have a legacy and Monica Lewinsky does.

Hillary Clinton took the Senate floor and held up a New York Post with a headline saying Bush Knew. The experiment worked. She proved that as long as her husband is in East Timor she's got the political instincts of an Acapulco cliff diver at low tide.

President Bush attended a fundraising dinner for brother Governor Jeb Bush's re-election campaign in Florida. They dined on spicy Cuban-American cuisine. The dessert was so rich that it donated $100,000 to the Republican National Committee.

Saudi Arabia refused compliance on Monday with the 1987 Convention Against Torture. It requires that they stop using flogging and amputation as punishment. The Saudis say it's more humane than sitting through three months of NBA playoffs.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton