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Jewish World Review April 19, 2002 / 8 Iyar, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Clint Eastwood was named to the California Parks and Recreation Commission on Wednesday. This guy will do everything he can to protect endangered species. As a Republican in Hollywood, he knows what it's like to be the last of a dying breed.

President Bush's helicopter Marine One malfunctioned in Virginia on Wednesday after his speech to VMI. After a roaring start, the blades went around and around, but the thing never got off the ground. His Middle East policy really is contagious.

Donna Hanover demanded Rudy Giuliani pay her a million a year in alimony. He humiliated her by openly carrying on with another woman. It proves that public adulation won't save you from the poorhouse if you don't get your wife a Senate seat.

Colin Powell returned from the Middle East after a week of futile diplomacy. He couldn't get Israelis to pull out and he couldn't get Palestinians to end the suicide bombings. He came back from Vietnam feeling better about the way things went.

Arthur Andersen continued collapsing Wednesday as more clients left, more layoffs were announced, and more executives jumped ship. How bad is it? Their last client can't pay his bill because he isn't allowed out of his room in Ramallah.

Yasser Arafat demanded to know Wednesday why the international community has abandoned him. He certainly has wound up in a humiliating situation. The 1994 Nobel Peace Prize winner's survival now depends upon Domino's letting him run a tab.

The Transportation Security Agency said there's currently no technology that can check passengers for plastic explosives. Thank goodness. If plastic set off alarms in airports, California women would have to learn how to drive to Las Vegas.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton