Jewish World Review Dec. 9, 2002 / 4 Teves, 5763
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Winona Ryder got probation Friday after her lawyer reminded the judge of the reward she once posted for missing child Polly Klaas. Prosecutors protested that she was waving the body of a child to win leniency. She certainly got better results with it than Michael Jackson did.
President Bush fired Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill and White House Chief Economic Adviser Larry Lindsay Friday. It was their job to manage the U.S. economy. Laurel and Hardy looked better trying to push a piano up a hill.
The International Olympic Committee announced Friday it may kick Iraq out of the 2004 Summer Games for human rights violations. This probably won't cost the country any medals. Any Iraqi who could run, jump or swim is surely in Turkey by now.
Massachusetts Democrat Sen. John Kerry listed his net worth at over five hundred million dollars. He got this money by marrying a fabulously wealthy widow. Not too many Vietnam War veterans went to the Arthur Murray Dance School on the G.I. Bill.
The Federal Reserve Bank building in Miami was struck by a small plane Thursday night. The whole country is on edge. Jimmy Carter just offered to mediate peace talks between Florida flight schools and man-made structures.
Congressman Barney Frank of Massachusetts urged Al Gore Friday not to run for president in the next election. His name is just too damaged. Last week, Al Gore put his Social Security number on the Internet and nobody would steal his identity.
The British cruise ship Oceana reported hundreds of cases of stomach illness Thursday in the Caribbean. It was the fourth shipboard virus in the past week. Now you know why cruises are so inexpensive during the annual Kaopectate Festival in Latin America.
Wall Street showed signs of weakness Thursday after the Dow Jones rose for the seventh straight week. Pharmaceutical stocks are a smart buy. Between network TV shows and passenger cruise ships, the demand for anti-nausea drugs is at an all-time high.