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Jewish World Review August 9, 2002 / 1 Elul, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | President Bush spoke at a high school in Madison, Mississippi, Wednesday. He said Saddam Hussein is a menace and we owe it to our children to remove him from power. If only his dad had felt that way, he wouldn't be in this mess today.

Major League Baseball proposed a drug testing plan Wednesday to test players for steroids. Sluggers are posting big numbers that seem artifically inflated. If any player tests positive, he could be traded to the teams accounting department.

Saudi Arabia said it won't allow the U.S. to attack Iraq from their territory. You knew this friction was coming. Saudi Arabia requires its women to be covered up, so they really had a lot more in common with the last administration than with this one.

South Carolina announced preparations Monday for a huge celebration in honor of Strom Thurmond's 100th birthday December 5th. It's liable to get pretty bawdy. After they all sing Happy Birthday a registered nurse will pop out of a giant bran muffin.

Texas Ranger John Rocker apologized for using anti-gay slurs outside a Dallas restaurant Monday. He was out of line. Any guy who checks into a different hotel every three days with twenty- four other guys is in no position to call people names.

Green Party standard bearer Ralph Nader arrived Wednesday on Capitol Hill. He met with what he called progressive-minded interns. That would be any intern who is young enough to be idealistic yet experienced enough to Scotchguard her clothing.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton