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Jewish World Review Dec. 24, 2002 / 19 Teves, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Senator Robert Byrd plays a Confederate general in the movie Gods and Generals this February. Talk about stage fright. At the time he took the role, he had no idea you could be run out of town just for wishing a segregationist a happy birthday.

Senator Patty Murray said Friday Osama bin Laden is popular because he builds roads and schools and America is hated because we don't. It's a grim reminder. If Democrats stop pandering to the construction unions, the terrorists will have won.

Hillary Clinton leads other Democratic candidates in the latest presidential poll. There's a Bush in the White House, a war in Iraq, a recession and a Clinton waiting in the wings. Time Warner must have told CNN to save money and show reruns.

President Bush dismissed Iraq's hidden weapons declaration Thursday. He said the declaration is riddled with lies and omissions but it doesn't mean war is inevitable. That's a but big enough to cause a double-fare on Southwest Airlines.

North Korea disconnected all the U.N. surveillance video cameras watching their nuclear reactors. They don't like being watched. Winona Ryder heard the news and jumped on the next plane to North Korea for some last-minute Christmas shopping.

Minority Report was released in video stores Tuesday. It's a story set fifty years from now in which Americans are arrested for crimes they haven't committed yet. That's how long it takes to get the Homeland Security Department up and running.



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© 2002, Argus Hamilton