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Jewish World Review Dec. 10, 2002 / 5 Teves, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | United Airlines filed for bankruptcy protection, making the largest airline bankruptcy in American history. Terrorism is the least of their problems. This year, they're locking the cockpit doors to keep the planes from being repossessed.

Democratic U.S. senators blasted the White House economic policy Saturday at a lavish party luncheon in Washington. What a spread. For dessert they had a chocolate cake that was so rich, John Kerry offered to dump Teresa Heinz and run off with it.

Democrat Mary Landrieu won reelection to the U.S. Senate against a tough GOP opponent in Louisiana Saturday. Pollsters said she won by distancing herself from Bill Clinton. The next morning, Bill Clinton's dog was demanding a longer leash.

Senator Teddy Kennedy vowed Saturday to push for a prescription drug program for seniors that's covered by Medicare. It would be groundbreaking. Until now, the only way to get free drugs in America was to wear a really short skirt to a party.

Pfizer denied claims by a Maryland scientist on Sunday that Viagra has been linked to aggressive behavior and uncontrollable violence. It's obviously true. Morley Safer, Mike Wallace and Andy Rooney came to blows last week over Lesley Stahl.



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© 2002, Argus Hamilton