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Jewish World Review July 30, 2003 / 1 Menachem-Av, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Spy Kids 3 about kids who help their CIA agent parents thwart terrorists topped the box office last weekend. It's so creative. No one can imagine where Hollywood got the idea that the Central Intelligence Agency could use a little help.

Lance Armstrong captured the Tour de France Sunday as he bicycled across the finish line before hundreds of thousands of fans in Paris. What an athlete. This was his fifth victory in France, tying the previous record that was held by Germany.

The Dallas Cowboys under Bill Parcells started summer training camp in Texas Friday. There were the usual festivities to mark the first scrimmage. Before kick-off everyone stood as Liza Minnelli sang the directions to the Betty Ford Center.

Seabiscuit opened in movie theaters nationwide Thursday to rave reviews from critics. They made a big mistake trying to modernize the story. No one likes the scene where Seabiscuit loses his horseshoe contract as soon as he's put out to stud.

U.S. troops raided farms near Tikrit Sunday and just missed Saddam. He's a popular houseguest. Anybody in Iraq who wants to break through a wall and add a bedroom only has to invite him to stay for a week and a Pentagon contractor comes right over.

The U.S. Marines began working Monday to restore the ancient Mesopotamian city of Babylon. The city is an abandoned ruin. It was a mistake to start opening Wal-Marts in Iraq without first training local merchants to make a living in another field.

Time magazine said Mexican drug lords are growing marijuana in U.S. national parks and forests. There's one good side effect. If anything can prevent overcrowding in national parks this summer, it's a pack of California Black Bears with the munchies.

The Justice Department hailed the drop in crime Sunday and credited stepped-up efforts to catch criminals. However, the size of the prison population is a concern. The size is fast approaching the NBA average of six-feet-eight inches tall.

Los Angeles realtors reported an added rise in housing prices Monday. This boom feels a bit pumped up. It's what happens when mortgage companies allow borrowers to declare their projected share of the McDonald's french fry settlement as income

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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01/02/03:Annual Review of the Past Year's Mischief
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton