Jewish World Review March 26, 2003 / 22 Adar II, 5763
Iraq broadcasts half-eaten sandwich
to prove Saddam is still alive
But former mistress doubts it is Saddam's lunch
In an effort to convince the people of Iraq that President Saddam Hussein is still
alive, Iraqi TV today broadcast pictures of a half-eaten sandwich purported to be the
lunch of the Iraqi strongman.
The sandwich, which appeared to be a cheese sandwich, had been served on a
gold plate on the ornate table of what appeared to be one of Saddam's Presidential
Palaces, along with a side of cole slaw.
While Saddam himself made no appearance in the twelve-minute video of the
sandwich, Iraq's Deputy Prime Minister Tariq Aziz appeared briefly, saying, "Where
did Saddam go? He was here just a minute ago - eating this sandwich, in fact."
At the CIA, officials were studying the footage of the sandwich to try to determine
when the sandwich had been served and if in fact it had been partially eaten by
But their task was made more difficult by the fact that the Iraqi dictator routinely has
as many as a dozen look-alike sandwiches prepared at lunchtime to be eaten by a
dozen of his look-alikes.
On CNN, former Saddam mistress Parisoula Lampsos told host Larry King that she
doubted the half-eaten sandwich was authentic, saying, "In all the time I was with
Saddam, he never left a sandwich half-eaten - he was always looking over at my
sandwich and going, 'You gonna finish that?'"
When asked if she thought Saddam Hussein was dead or alive, Ms. Lampsos
replied, "Even when I was with him it was hard to tell."
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2003, Andy Borowitz