Jewish World Review March 18, 2002 / 5 Nisan, 5762
In latest mix-up, bin Laden receives
Minnesota driver's license
State Officials Red-faced Over Bureaucratic Goof
Minnesota state officials were at a loss today to explain a bureaucratic slip-up that
allowed international terror kingpin Osama bin Laden to receive a Minnesota driver's
The permit would allow the evildoer to operate an automobile or motorcycle in the state
of Minnesota until his birthday in 2006.
Compounding the confusion at the state's Department of Motor Vehicles was word that
bin Laden had not even applied for a Minnesota driver's license, nor had he ever set
foot in the state of Minnesota.
In addition, bin Laden is not known for being a motorcycle enthusiast, state officials
"We're not sure exactly how, or why, Osama bin Laden got sent a driver's license," said
Minnesota DMV spokesperson Shirley Duff. "We have no record of him filling out the
necessary forms or taking the eye test."
Ms. Duff said the driver's license would be revoked immediately until bin Laden could
prove that he was familiar with Minnesota's traffic laws and had mastered parallel
At the White House, President Bush said news of bin Laden's Minnesota driver's
license "almost made me lose my lunch."
And across Minnesota, citizens were similarly outraged that their state had granted a
driver's license to the world's most notorious doer of evil.
"I had to wait on line three hours at the DMV to get a new license, and Osama bin
Laden gets one without even filling out the forms?" said Alvin Cooley of St. Paul. "That
JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2002, Andy Borowitz