Jewish World Review Jan. 27, 2003 / 24 Shevat, 5763
Rumsfeld: France, Germany are 'so over'
Defense Secretary calls Old Europe Allies 'So 1945' in pentagon briefing
Hot: Poland and Estonia. Not: France and Germany.
That's the verdict of Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, who used a Pentagon
briefing today to declare France and Germany "yesterday's news."
"Did I call them 'old Europe' yesterday?" Rumsfeld said from the Pentagon podium.
"Excuse me - I meant 'sorry old Europe!'"
While some in the Pentagon press corps were surprised by the sarcastic tone of Mr.
Rumsfeld's remarks, the Defense Secretary continued in the same vein, declaring,
"France? Germany? Hello!! They are so over!"
But Mr. Rumsfeld's dissing of France and Germany had just begun.
Secretary Rumsfeld added that he considered such allies as Poland and Estonia
"much hotter" nations, adding, "Right now, Eastern Europe has all the juice.
Western Europe? Please! They are, like, so 1945."
Some reporters questioned whether Mr. Rumsfeld's remarks ran the risk of raising
tensions between the U.S. and some of its oldest allies, but the Defense
Secretary's comment on this issue - "Like I care? Hello!" - seemed to indicate a
lack of concern on his part.
"If France and Germany have a problem with what I am saying, let them come here
and tell me to my face," Mr. Rumsfeld said. "But they won't do that, and do you know
why? Because they are so totally over!"
Rumsfeld said that the U.S. was currently assembling lists of nations that are "Hot"
and nations that are "Not," but that France and Germany, in his view, were
"As far as I'm concerned, France and Germany are the Axis of Over," Rumsfeld said.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2003, Andy Borowitz