Jewish World Review August 23, 2002 / 15 Elul, 5762
Sharks bemoan lack of summer media coverage
Blame Ann Coulter for stealing the spotlight
What if they gave a shark attack and nobody came?
That question may best sum up what has been a disappointing summer for
America's sharks, whose airtime on cable news has dwindled sharply in 2002,
leaving many sharks wondering: why?
The finny predators, who dominated cable news coverage during the summer of
2001 with round-the-clock stories of their savage attacks, have been virtually
nowhere to be seen on TV this summer, even though - according to numbers
provided by the sharks themselves - shark attacks are actually up 18%.
"They are chewing up more people this summer than they did last summer, but the
media couldn't give a hoot," says Sandy Hagan, a public relations executive recently
retained by the sharks to, in Mr. Hagan's words, "get the real story of shark attacks
While the sharks' lack of media attention this summer could have resulted in a
roundelay of finger pointing, Mr. Hagan says the sharks have so far resisted playing
the blame game.
"They're just frustrated - if you dismembered a whole bunch of swimmers, you'd
want credit, too," Mr. Hagan said.
But a source close to the sharks said that, privately, the many-toothed aquatic
beasts complain that the cable news outlets passed them over in order to give
airtime to their latest darling: conservative pundit Ann Coulter.
Ms. Coulter, whose current New York Times bestseller "Slander" is ironically about
the lack of media coverage given to conservative pundits, has been nearly
ubiquitous on TV this summer, bumping the sharks off the air.
"The feeling at CNN and Fox seems to be, if they've got Ann Coulter, they don't need
sharks," the source said.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2002, Andy Borowitz