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Jewish World Review April 25, 2002 /13 Iyar, 5762

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

AlGore regrets breakdancing incident



Ill-Advised Attempt to Reshape Image

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Former Vice-President Al Gore told reporters in Knoxville, Tennessee today that he regretted an incident last week in which he breakdanced at a Democratic rally in Miami.

Mr. Gore's attempt at breakdancing was the latest in a string of attempts to add zest to his staid image - a personal odyssey that has included growing and shaving off a beard to see if anyone cared.

But Mr. Gore's breakdancing display only drew gasps of horror from the astonished Democratic faithful assembled at the Miami rally.

"He's really lost it this time," said Brad Deakins, a Miami Beach hotel clerk. "If he thinks he's going to get anyone to vote for him by spinning around on his back, I'd like to know what weed he's been smoking, because it must be bodacious."

Mr. Gore also regretted wearing a so-called "belly shirt" that exposed the shockingly white mid-section of the former Vice-President.

"Upon reflection, that shirt was unflattering, and the slogan on it, 'I'M A SEXY BEAST,' was inappropriate," Mr. Gore said today. "I take full responsibility for wearing it and apologize to the hundreds of Democrats present who said they were repelled by seeing me in it."

Mr. Gore's attempts to spice up his image have made little dent in the polls, with just 1% of likely Democratic voters now saying they want him to run for President again in 2004.

In stark contrast, 89% polled say they would like Mr. Gore to take up gardening, 58% stamp collecting, and 32% decoupage.



JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.

Up

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© 2002, Andy Borowitz