Jewish World Review Nov. 20, 2002 / 15 Kislev, 5763
Eminem enters anger-replenishment
Erstwhile pariah struggling to recover missing rage
Eminem, the rapper whose angry, misogynist rants helped catapult him to the top of
the pop charts, has entered a so-called "anger-replenishment" program after
advisors noticed worrisome signs of non-angry behavior on the part of the
"As he becomes embraced by the mainstream, it's getting harder and harder for
Eminem to find things to be pissed off about," said Irv Faustino, the rapper's
accountant. "As his financial advisor, I'm frankly concerned."
According to Mr. Faustino, Eminem was involved in a fender bender in Detroit
recently after which he calmly rolled down his window and called out to the other
driver, "My bad."
And in an incident that further confirmed his advisors' darkest fears, last week
Eminem was heard whistling along to a commercial jingle by the electronic
musician Moby, who had previously been the target of the rapper's most
Music industry insiders said that the erstwhile pariah's explosive rage began to
dissipate during his 2001 Grammy night duet with Elton John and vanished entirely
this month after Wall Street Journal movie critic Joe Morgenstern raved about the
rapper's debut film "8 Mile."
"When the Wall Street Journal starts loving you, it's only a matter of time before
Lynne Cheney hops on the bandwagon," one record exec observed.
After two days in the anger-replenishment program, however, Eminem's advisors
indicated that the rapper was making "significant progress in recovering his
pissed-off attitude" and would soon be before the cameras to film his next movie,
"The Mighty Ducks Meet the Little Mermaid."
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2002, Andy Borowitz