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Jewish World Review Feb. 4, 2002 / 22 Shevat, 5762

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

Tyson to fight
himself in Japan



Tyson-Tyson Bout Set
For February in Kyoto

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com --
With Nevada boxing officials refusing to sanction a proposed bout between "Iron" Mike Tyson and heavyweight Lennox Lewis, Tyson today signed a lucrative deal to fight himself in Kyoto, Japan in mid-February.

At a weigh-in for the Tyson-Tyson bout, Tyson told reporters that he expects Tyson to be his toughest opponent yet.

"I'm the craziest person I've ever fought," Tyson told reporters. "I'm so crazy, sometimes I think I'm crazy to step in the ring with me."

Boxing insiders say that Tyson will have to watch out for Tyson's punishing left jab, as well as his murderous right uppercut, which pros expect Tyson to use liberally against Tyson.

But Tyson may be capable of withstanding these blows, since he has been preparing for the bout by repeatedly punching himself in the head - as many as five hundred times in the space of an hour, according to the Tyson camp.

Tyson-watchers said that the Tyson-Tyson bout is likely to bring out the fighter's raw fury, since there is clearly no love lost between Tyson and Tyson.

"Tyson has been his own worst enemy for years," one pro remarked. "This fight is payback time."

Bookmakers reported heavy betting on the bout, with many fight fans feeling that the contest could go either way.

Tensions ran high at the pre-fight weigh-in as Tyson went on a rambling, profane tirade against Tyson.

"I'm going to make you my bi-ch," Tyson taunted Tyson, before he leapt from the stage and bit himself.



JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.

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© 2002, Andy Borowitz