Jewish World Review Oct. 25, 2002 / 19 Mar-Cheshvan, 5763
CNN ASKS PUBLIC'S HELP IN FINDING NEW
Search intensifies as sweeps period approaches
CNN, the 24-hour cable news service, made a rare appeal to the public this morning
to help find a new story that will enable the network to interrupt its dreary regular
program with ratings-grabbing "breaking news alert."
"We are asking the public for any leads, tips or other assistance to locate a new story
or individuals who might lead us to a new story," said CNN spokesman Sandy Bolton.
To aid in their effort to find a new story, CNN is setting up a 24-hour tip line,
1-800-RATINGS, that members of the public can call with any information that might
lead to a new story.
The network added that the public should especially be on the lookout for a story that
would enable CNN to eat up gobs of airtime with experts speculating meaninglessly
about the story.
With the all-important November sweeps period approaching, CNN executives were
said to be on edge, but CNN spokesman Bolton insisted that the network was making
progress in finding a new story and urged the public to remain calm and not change
"We have every expectation that we will locate the person or persons who will give us a
new story in time for sweeps," Ms. Bolton told reporters.
But CNN's search for a new story received a minor setback this morning as a call to
their 24-hour tip line turned out to be a false lead.
The call, which alerted CNN to "the state of the U.S. economy" as a possible new
story, was later traced to the office of Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2002, Andy Borowitz