Jewish World Review August 22, 2002 / 14 Elul, 5762
Clinton to star in 'C.S.I.' spin-off for CBS
Will Investigate Actual Crimes From His Two Terms In Office
CBS, who had reportedly been in talks with former President Bill Clinton about
hosting his own afternoon talk show, surprised the broadcast world today by
announcing that the former President would instead star in a new spin-off of its hit
series, "C.S.I.: Crime Scene Investigation."
The new series, "C.S.I.: D.C." will feature the former President as a police forensics
investigator probing, in the words of the CBS press release, "a full docket of
mysteries, crimes, and sexual harassment lawsuits from the Clinton
A spokesman for CBS said that in the first season of "C.S.I.: D.C.," Mr. Clinton will
investigate "such enduring mysteries as the disappearance of the Rose Law Firm
billing records, the death of White House aide Vincent Foster, and what the meaning
of the word 'is' is."
"He'll basically be picking up where Ken Starr left off," the spokesman said.
While network officials said that no other cast members for Mr. Clinton's new series
had been set at this time, they poured cold water on rumors that his wife, Senator
Hillary Clinton (D-NY), would play his wisecracking sidekick on the show.
"Senator Clinton already has a full-time job being the bane of Senate Republicans'
existence," the spokesman said.
Instead, CBS indicated, at the President's request the show would be cast entirely
with fresh faces culled from the popular "Girls Gone Wild" video series.
Enjoy this writer's work? Why not sign-up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
08/20/02: CIA asks CNN to find Osama
08/14/02: Beer drinking promotes longer life, say drunken pilots
08/07/02: Copycat miners trap selves for movie deal
07/31/02: Angelina Jolie, Billy Bob Thornton unlikely to find equally icky new mates
07/24/02: As markets crash, the world asks: Where is Bono?
07/22/02: Time Warner admits it was high on crack when it merged with AOL
07/19/02: Poll: Most Americans believe they have already seen newHarrison Ford film
07/15/02: Brokerage houses to enclose Prozac with monthly statements
07/12/02: Baseball takes bold steps to alienate remaining fans
07/09/02: Michael Jackson accuses Sony Music chief of stealing his nose
07/03/02: CIA using American CEOs to infiltrate al Qaeda
06/13/02: Victims of Eminem's latest verbal assaults agree to mend their ways
06/10/02: June 17 named 'Athletes Obey the Law Day'
05/29/02: Bush urges CIA to pretend FBI agents are Russian spies
05/28/02: U.S. issues list of 5,000 bad things that might happen someday
05/22/02 Depression screening reveals: 98% of Americans depressed
05/20/02 Woody Allen sightings up sharply in 2002
05/16/02 Carter, in Wisconsin, sees no evidence of cheese
05/09/02 Showing commitment to democracy, Pakistan's leader runs negative ads against himself
05/07/02 Bush to dump cheney, run with Ozzy Osbourne in '04
05/06/02 'Spider-Man' film riddled with inaccuracies, says man with way too much time on his hands
05/02/02 Arafat placed under house arrest with former Sotheby's exec
05/01/02 Minnelli marriage enters Day 47, baffling experts
04/30/02 Saudis increase production of bossy foreign policy lectures
04/25/02: AlGore regrets breakdancing incident
04/23/02: Geraldo declares war on terrorism 'over'
04/22/02: O.J. calls Robert Blake murder case 'derivative'
04/19/02: Ally McBeal goes on eating rampage
04/18/02: In latest doctored tape, Osama appears at Liza Minnelli's wedding
04/17/02: Segway creator invents 'round thingy'
04/16/02: Osama bin Laden, Mullah Omar to appear on VH1's 'where are they now?'
04/12/02: Ken Lay declares moral bankruptcy
04/10/02: FAA pronounces 'runaway plane' experiment a success
04/10/02: Rukeyser, Koppel to launch 'Angry Old Bums network'
04/09/02: Oprah closes book club, opens pie club
04/08/02: Fearing request to go to Afghanistan, Phil Donahue flees to MSNBC
04/05/02: Halle Berry still sobbing uncontrollably
04/02/02: Baseball players strike
04/01/02: Laughter no longer the best medicine
03/31/02: U2's Bono proposes sweeping social security overhaul
03/26/02: NBC to air ads for crack
03/19/02: Celebrity boxing, Minnelli wedding spark fears of national has-been shortage
03/18/02: In latest mix-up, bin Laden receives Minnesota driver's license
03/15/02: ROSIE: I'M A POLAR BEAR
03/13/02: Gore loses bid to run 'shadow government'
03/11/02: Condit blows job interview with Blockbuster Video
03/08/02: Comedians demand Condit recount
03/07/02: Jennings out, J-Lo in at ABC News
03/06/02: Dennis Miller takes obscure, hard-to-understand parting shot at ABC
03/05/02: Pentagon, shutting down lying office, will shift lie-telling duties to other government agencies
03/04/02: Britney Spears is not a girl
02/28/02: Katie Couric demands that 'Today' start at noon
02/26/02: Paper that Enron stock is printed on is worthless, too, paper experts say
02/21/02: Kenneth Lay to head Pentagon's global lying effort
02/20/02: Johnny Cochran: 'Walker was framed!'
02/14/02: 'Friends' cast 900 times more talented than Sir Laurence Olivier, experts say
02/13/02: Athlete without compelling personal drama expelled from Olympics
02/11/02: In major gaffe, Mrs. Kenneth Lay appears on MTV's "Cribs"
02/07/02: CIA using Mariah Carey film in Al Qaeda interrogations
02/04/02: Tyson to fight himself in Japan
02/01/02: NFL PLANS TO FIRE MARIAH CAREY DURING NATIONAL ANTHEM
01/30/02: CLINTON DELIVERS FIRST 'STATE OF CHAPPAQUA' ADDRESS
01/21/02: OSAMA GIVES GERALDO THE SLIP
01/17/02: QUEEN ELIZABETH CAUGHT SMOKING POT
01/15/02: ENRON MAY NOT BE BIGGEST CROOKS IN HISTORY, EXPERT SAYS
01/11/02: U.S. ATTEMPTS TO LURE OSAMA WITH AD IN PERSONALS
© 2002, Andy Borowitz