Jewish World Review March 13, 2002 / 29 Adar, 5762
Gore loses bid to run 'shadow
Subterranean Voters Give Former Veep Big Thumbs-Down
Just days after it was revealed that there is a "shadow government" in place
underground somewhere outside of Washington, D.C., former Vice-President Al Gore
was trounced in his bid to become President of it.
Subterranean voters gave the former vice-president a scant 38% of the vote, with 59%
going to Buford T. Bush, an amateur motocross competitor and a distant cousin of
President George W. Bush.
Mr. Gore had campaigned aggressively for the job of Shadow President, which may
have been part of the problem, underground voters said.
"If you think he's irritating when he's above ground, you should see what it's like being
trapped in a subterranean tunnel with him," one voter said today. "You want to jump out
a window, only there aren't any."
Pulling out all the stops in his fruitless campaign for Shadow President, Mr. Gore not
only shaved off his infamous hippie-like beard, but also shaved his head, hoping that
his new, smoother appearance might appeal to voters.
But no such luck.
"You got the feeling he was trying to look like Moby or something," one voter said. "But
he wound up being a dead ringer for Uncle Fester."
Having failed in his bid to become President of the shadow government, aides said
today, Mr. Gore is expected to seek a position in the shadow private
JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2002, Andy Borowitz