Clicking on banner ads enables JWR to constantly improve
Jewish World Review Jan. 21, 2002 / 8 Shevat, 5762

Andy Borowitz

Michael Barone
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
MUGGER
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports

OSAMA GIVES GERALDO THE SLIP



NATO Agrees on Interim Hair Color For Ashleigh Banfield

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com --
GERALDO RIVERA, who had been carrying a gun while in Afghanistan in the hopes of taking out al Qaeda kingpin Osama bin Laden, missed his chance last week when he interviewed the world's most wanted evildoer on the air without recognizing him.

Fox News Channel's ace war correspondent had been conducting "man on the street" interviews in the Tora Bora region when the six-foot-five-inch bin Laden, wearing his trademark headdress, flowing robe, and graying beard, emerged from an al Qaeda cave complex.

"Excuse me, sir, do you have any idea where Osama bin Laden is?" Geraldo asked bin Laden, who seemed momentarily thrown by the question before recovering his composure.

"Nope, can't say that I have," bin Laden replied. "Hey, have you seen 'A Beautiful Mind?' It's the feel-good movie of the year."

Geraldo continued to interview bin Laden, who was carrying an Adidas gym bag clearly labeled "OSAMA," for a full ten minutes before letting the evildoer go on his way.

Later, when the taped interview was broadcast worldwide, viewers jammed the Fox News switchboard to point out that Geraldo had, in fact, been interviewing bin Laden without knowing it.

Speaking from Somalia, where he is currently stationed, the pistol-packing journalist was unabashed about his ill-fated encounter with the al Qaeda honcho.

"Osama, I let you off easy this time," Rivera said, with his customary bravado. "But next time I see you, man, you won't be so lucky."

In related news, NATO leaders meeting in Bonn, Germany, have agreed on an interim hair color for MSNBC reporter Ashleigh Banfield.

Banfield, whose hair has oscillated back and forth between dirty blonde and brunette as she has traveled between Afghanistan and the U.S., said she would comply with any decision the NATO representatives forged at the Bonn conference.

After round-the-clock sessions, the NATO delegates arrived at the shade "tawny," a hair color widely available from Preference by L'Oreal.

Ms. Banfield's hair will be dyed tawny for the next six months, the Bonn resolution indicated, until her hair situation can be stabilized, at which point a permanent hair color will be chosen.



JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.

Up

01/17/02: QUEEN ELIZABETH CAUGHT SMOKING POT
01/15/02: ENRON MAY NOT BE BIGGEST CROOKS IN HISTORY, EXPERT SAYS
01/11/02: U.S. ATTEMPTS TO LURE OSAMA WITH AD IN PERSONALS

<

© 2002, Andy Borowitz