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Jewish World Review March 11, 2002 / 27 Adar, 5762

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

Condit blows job interview with Blockbuster Video



Declares Most Questions 'Off Limits'

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Gary A. Condit, no longer a congressman but seemingly still embattled, bombed out in his first foray into the post-congressional job market today during a disastrous interview for a video clerk's position at a Modesto, California Blockbuster Video store.

The interview reportedly got off to a poor start when Donny, the store manager, asked Condit if he had ever worked in a video store before.

"Now, you know I'm not going to answer questions about that," Condit is reported to have replied.

Thrown off-balance by Condit's evasive response, the manager went on to the next question on his list, which pertained to whether or not Condit had a car with which to drive himself to work.

"I've been married thirty-four years," came Condit's puzzling answer. "I'm not a perfect person. I've made my share of mistakes."

Donny, the store manager, called the encounter with Condit "spooky."

"No way would I hire that freak," he said. "He gave me a bad case of the willies."

Later that day, Condit reportedly had a job interview at a Modesto area Olive Garden restaurant for an open dishwasher's poisition.

As in the case of Blockbuster, Condit's interview with the Olive Garden did not go well at all, according to the restaurant manager, Karl, who conducted the interview.

"When you ask somebody if they've ever washed dishes before, you really don't expect them to say, 'That's none of your damn business,'" Karl said.



JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.

Up

03/08/02: Comedians demand Condit recount
03/07/02: Jennings out, J-Lo in at ABC News
03/06/02: Dennis Miller takes obscure, hard-to-understand parting shot at ABC
03/05/02: Pentagon, shutting down lying office, will shift lie-telling duties to other government agencies
03/04/02: Britney Spears is not a girl
02/28/02: Katie Couric demands that 'Today' start at noon
02/26/02: Paper that Enron stock is printed on is worthless, too, paper experts say
02/21/02: Kenneth Lay to head Pentagon's global lying effort
02/20/02: Johnny Cochran: 'Walker was framed!'
02/14/02: 'Friends' cast 900 times more talented than Sir Laurence Olivier, experts say
02/13/02: Athlete without compelling personal drama expelled from Olympics
02/11/02: In major gaffe, Mrs. Kenneth Lay appears on MTV's "Cribs"
02/07/02: CIA using Mariah Carey film in Al Qaeda interrogations
02/04/02: Tyson to fight himself in Japan
02/01/02: NFL PLANS TO FIRE MARIAH CAREY DURING NATIONAL ANTHEM
01/30/02: CLINTON DELIVERS FIRST 'STATE OF CHAPPAQUA' ADDRESS
01/21/02: OSAMA GIVES GERALDO THE SLIP
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01/15/02: ENRON MAY NOT BE BIGGEST CROOKS IN HISTORY, EXPERT SAYS
01/11/02: U.S. ATTEMPTS TO LURE OSAMA WITH AD IN PERSONALS

© 2002, Andy Borowitz