Jewish World Review May 20, 2002 /9 Sivan, 5762
Andy Borowitz
Woody Allen sightings up sharply in
2002
In Troubling Trend, Once-reclusive Filmmaker is Suddenly Everywhere
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After years of cementing his reputation as filmdom's most reclusive director,
suddenly Woody Allen is everywhere -- and experts are at a loss to explain why.
Allen's surprise appearances at this year's Academy Awards and Cannes Film
Festival are merely two examples of a puzzling trend, Allen experts say, with more
than 837 documented Woody Allen sightings in the calendar year so far.
While Woody Allen sightings have long been the stuff of urban legend, many have
recently occurred in rural areas as well, further baffling Woody Allen experts such as
Dr. Adrian Keough of the University of Minnesota.
"It's not like Woody to show up in areas where there's no easy access to
psychiatrists or Gershwin recordings," Dr. Keough says. "What's happening here is
completely off the grid."
Case in point: Frank Hargus, a farmer in Ruxton, Kansas, said he spotted "a short,
skinny guy with glasses who answered to the name Woody Allen" walking across
his cornfields at dusk on Tuesday of last week.
Allen offered no explanation for what he was doing among Mr. Hargus's crops, but
sat in Hargus's kitchen regaling the farmer with interminable stories about actress
Diane Keaton, the New York Knicks and Allen's European jazz tour of several years
back.
After several hours, farmer Hargus finally asked the bespectacled auteur to leave.
"I have to get up pretty early in the morning," Hargus explained. "Plus, I didn't really
know who he was, exactly."
Allen expert Keough has simple advice for those who might suddenly find Woody
Allen on their doorstep: Remain calm.
"I've studied Woody Allen for years," Professor Keough says. "He means no
harm."
JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2002, Andy Borowitz
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