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Jewish World Review April 16, 2002 /5 Iyar, 5762

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

OSAMA BIN LADEN, MULLAH OMAR TO APPEAR ON VH1'S 'WHERE ARE THEY NOW?'



Forgotten Evildoers Reap Ratings Gold

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | VH1 may have a ratings bonanza on its hands, capturing al Qaeda kingpin Osama bin Laden and former Taliban honcho Mullah Omar on tape for its popular "Where Are They Now?" program.

The episode, to be aired in the upcoming May sweeps period, shows Mullah Omar living in a mud hut outside of Kabul, trying to reinvent himself as a painter and a handbag designer.

Omar, seen painting a psychedelic canvas reminiscent of the 60's artist Peter Max, blames his business manager for the Taliban's collapse but claims to be excited about this new phase of his life.

"For the first time in years, I really dig being Mullah Omar," Omar says.

The visit with Osama bin Laden in his underground cave outside Tora Bora offers even more surprises.

Bin Laden is seen as an exasperated, befuddled family man, trying to cope with a cave overcrowded with wives, squabbling teenage children, and a menagerie of incontinent pets.

The bin Laden family seems uninhibited by the presence of cameras in their dwelling, forcing VH1 to bleep out expletives over eighty different times.

In one sequence, bin Laden's son attempts to show his addled dad how to use a video camera so that he can tape another one of his spooky videos.

And in another, bin Laden loses it after two of his children squabble over use of the cave's one remaining cell phone.

"I love you all to pieces," bin Laden says, "but you're all [bleeping] mad."



JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.

Up

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© 2002, Andy Borowitz