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Jewish World Review Sept. 9, 2002 / 3 Tishrei, 5763

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

GE still paying for Welch's crack, 'women'


Retired CEO's posse swells to 400

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | In the latest tale of CEO greed to hit Wall Street, outraged investors learned today that General Electric is still paying for former CEO Jack Welch's crack, hoes, and 400-homie-strong posse.

The revelations, which appeared in divorce papers filed by estranged wife Jane Welch, drew howls from corporate governance watchdogs.

"It may have been appropriate for GE to foot the bill for Welch's crack, hoes and posse while he was still running the company," said Peter Kenney of the Institute for Corporate Responsibility. "But certainly not in retirement."

Mr. Kenney was especially critical of the size of Welch's retirement posse, which he termed "extraordinary" even by Fortune 500 standards.

"A retired CEO really should be able to get by with twenty or thirty homies at most," Mr. Kenney said.

But for his part, Mr. Welch was unrepentant, appearing at a press conference with his girlfriend, former Harvard Business Review editor Suzy Wetlaufer, and his 400-member posse, decked out in Prada suits and expensive designer eyeglasses.

"I represent honies with money fly guys with gems," Welch said, adding, "Drive with the tints that be thirty-five percent."

The outcry about Welch's retirement perks came amid revelations that his West Coast rival, Bill Gates, had just increased the size of his posse to 500.

The swelling size of the two corporate honchos' posses raised fears among many in the financial community about a potentially volatile East Coast-West Coast confrontation between the CEOs, their honies, and their fly guys.

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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.

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© 2002, Andy Borowitz