Jewish World Review Nov. 21, 2002 / 16 Kislev, 5763
Baby drops Michael Jackson from hotel
'I'm tired of that freak,' says angry baby
Passers-by in Berlin were shocked today as they witnessed the spectacle of a tiny,
angry eight-month-old baby dangling Michael Jackson by the foot from a balcony of
the luxurious Aldon Hotel.
As the stunned crowd gasped below, the visibly enraged baby let go of Mr.
Jackson's foot, letting the self-styled "King of Pop" fall seventy feet to the pavement
"Beat that!" the baby was overheard shouting, in an apparent reference to the
once-popular entertainer's hit single from his platinum-selling "Thriller" album of
two decades ago.
The baby, who was immediately nabbed by Berlin police, was identified at Prince
Michael II, son of Mr. Jackson and listed in Burke's Peerage as "The Crown Prince
In am expletive-laden police confession released later in the day, the outspoken
baby revealed that he had dropped Mr. Jackson out of the window because the
moonwalking entertainer and finally become "just too weird."
"I'm tired of that freak," the eight-month-old said in one of the few printable
exchanges in the interview transcript. "You try living with a guy who takes an oxygen
tank everywhere he goes and sleeps with a llama. Whoever started calling him
'Wacko Jacko' really said it all."
After falling seventy feet to the pavement, Mr. Jackson shattered into more than one
thousand synthetic pieces, observers said.
But plastic surgeons at Berlin Metropolitan Hospital said that Mr. Jackson was
currently being reassembled and was "doing well."
"The only piece that appears to be missing is his nose, but Mr. Jackson has
demonstrated that he can survive without one," a hospital spokesman said.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2002, Andy Borowitz