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Jewish World Review Jan. 17, 2002 / 4 Shevat, 5762

Andy Borowitz

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QUEEN ELIZABETH CAUGHT SMOKING POT



In Latest Royal Bust, Stoned Sovereign Found With Giant Spliff

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com --
In the latest drug scandal to hit the British royal family, Queen Elizabeth II was found smoking a gigantic marijuana ‘spliff’ in a garden shed behind Buckingham Palace today.

A cloud of smoke from the enormous joint was spotted rising above the palace by eagle-eyed tourists who were waiting to see the Changing of the Guard, a popular London tourist attraction.

Fearing that the garden shed was on fire, palace guards burst into the small outbuilding and found the British sovereign puffing on the enormous spliff while listening to a boom box playing last year’s surprise hit “Because I Got High” by the rapper Afroman.

The British tabloids had a field day with the royal family’s latest drugscapade.

A few days after running headlines that screamed “HARRY POTHEAD!” – referring to Prince Harry’s own unfortunate dope-smoking woes – the London tabs churned out headers like “HIGH COURT!” and “QE2 TRIP!”

Making matters worse for the increasingly stoned Windsors was the discovery on Palace grounds, late Tuesday evening, of a psychedelic marijuana ‘bong’ belonging to the Queen Mother.

Fearing that public opinion could quickly turn against the pot-addled royals, Prince Charles issued a statement to the nation warning of the dangers of drug use.

“Taking drugs results in indolence, idleness, and a lifetime on public assistance,” Charles said. “The drug-taker finds herself incapable of little more than attending ceremonial receptions, presiding over the opening of new hospitals, and meddling in her children’s marriages.”

Minutes after Charles’ statement was released, Queen Elizabeth issued a statement of her own.

“We fundamentally believe that the Prince is entitled to his opinions,” the Queen’s statement read. “But if he gets anywhere near our stash, we are going to cut him.”



JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.

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© 2002, Andy Borowitz