Jewish World Review Sept. 3, 2002 / 26 Elul, 5762
Airlines to charge extra for
Carriers assess $100 'flotation fee' for use of seat cushions
Air travelers returning home from their summer vacations were in for an unpleasant
surprise this Labor Day, as all major U.S. airlines announced a decision to charge
extra for air sickness bags on board their planes.
"As we battle rising aviation costs, we have concluded that getting nauseated on
board American Airlines is not a right, but a privilege," said Tammy Connors, a
spokesperson for American.
While some critics called the decision to institute a $25 airsickness fee
shortsighted, a spokesman for United said the airlines would eliminate the need for
airsickness bags by taking measures to nauseate fewer passengers in the future.
"It is hard to become nauseated if you have not been fed, and we have no intention
of feeding anybody anything ever again," the spokesman said.
The airlines' controversial "no food, no bag" rule -- and their decision to assess a
$100 "flotation fee" for the use of seat cushions in the event of an emergency water
landing -- represent only the latest in a recent series of service cuts announced by
the major carriers.
Last week, Northwest announced that it would no longer show current movie
releases on board their flights, and instead would screen the Adam Sandler film
"Little Nicky" until the year 2007.
And a spokesman for Delta said that its flight attendants would no longer spill
scalding coffee on its passengers as they have in the past.
"From now on, any Delta passenger who wishes to have scalding coffee poured on
him will have to pour the scalding coffee on himself," the spokesman said.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2002, Andy Borowitz