Jewish World Review July 31, 2002 /22 Av, 5762
Angelina Jolie, Billy Bob Thornton
unlikely to find equally icky new mates
Splitsville-bound duo may be world's ickiest, expert believes
When Hollywood couple Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton decided to call it
quits, showbiz observers widely predicted that the two film stars would have no
trouble finding equally icky new mates.
Not so, says Dr. David Burnham, who studies the mating habits of extremely icky
people at the University of Minnesota.
"Once you've been married to someone as icky as Angelina Jolie or Billy Bob
Thornton, finding a new mate who is on par, ickyness-wise, is a tall order indeed,"
Dr. Burnham says.
Dr. Burnham cites as an example Lisa Marie Presley, who divorced Michael "Wacko
Jacko" Jackson several years ago and has yet to find an equally icky new significant
"She's been romantically linked to Nicholas Cage, who is pretty icky, but nowhere
near as icky as Michael Jackson," Dr. Burnham says.
But another expert, Dr. Wallace Crichton of San Diego State University, says that
actress Pamela Anderson is an example of an icky Hollywood person who has had
no trouble finding one icky mate after another in a relatively seamless fashion.
"Pam Anderson went from Tommy Lee to Kid Rock," Dr. Crichton said. "It's hard to
characterize that as a step down, ickyness-wise."
Dr. Burnham agrees up to a point, saying that Pam Anderson "requires further
"Just when we think we understand the mating behavior of icky people, someone
like Pam Anderson comes along who calls everything we think we know into
question," says Dr. Burnham, who first came to prominence for his groundbreaking
dissertation on Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2002, Andy Borowitz