Jewish World Review Nov. 1, 2002 / 26 Mar-Cheshvan, 5763
Saddam hires Liza's hubby as liaison to
'Control Freak' David Gest perfect for job, evildoer says
One day after VH1 pulled the plug on his "Liza and David" reality show, complaining
that he was a control freak who was "impossible to work with," Liza Minnelli's
husband David Gest has landed a new gig: working for Saddam Hussein as a
special liaison to the U.N. weapons inspectors.
"VH1's loss is Iraq's gain," Saddam said at a news conference in Baghdad today, a
beaming Mr. Gest at his side.
Saddam said that upon hearing of VH1's decision, he immediately called Ms.
Minnelli's husband to commiserate.
"I can't tell you how many times I've been called a control freak," Saddam reportedly
told the Broadway producer.
Far from trying to rein in Mr. Gest's persnickety nature, the Iraqi evildoer said the
Broadway producer was a "perfect fit" for the job of weapons inspection liaison.
But on his first day on the job, there were signs that Mr. Gest's legendary control
issues were complicating the task of U.N. weapons inspection chief Hans Blix.
Mr. Gest reportedly followed Mr. Blix around with a vacuum cleaner to make sure that
the inspection chief did not soil Saddam's carpet, and insisted that all of the
inspectors wear surgical booties to prevent them from tracking in dirt.
Making the inspectors' job even more difficult, Mr. Gest declared several of
Saddam's closets off-limits, saying that they contained "fabulous Bob Mackie
In Washington, President Bush accused Ms. Minnelli's husband of turning the
weapons inspection process into a joke.
"This isn't the first time David Gest has been involved in a sham," Mr. Bush said.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2002, Andy Borowitz