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Jewish World Review Feb. 1, 2002 / 19 Shevat, 5762
Andy Borowitz
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com --
While the league was not forthcoming as to the exact moment at which Ms. Carey would be shown the door, there seems to be a consensus to fire the singer after the words "the rockets' red glare." There is some support, however, for firing Ms. Carey as early as "can you see." The NFL will pay Ms. Carey $40 million dollars to stop singing, league officials said, which is believed to be the largest sum ever paid to induce a recording artist not to perform at the Superbowl. An armored car carrying the $40 million in small bills will drive directly onto the playing field to persuade Ms. Carey to desist, officials said. At that point, according to the league office, superstar Whitney Houston will appear on the field and conclude the nation anthem to a thunderous standing ovation. Recording industry insiders acknowledged that being fired mid-song during the Superbowl was not a positive for Ms. Carey's career, but said that the diva should not be counted out just yet.
"If I were Mariah's management, I'd see this as a time for her to regroup and focus
on singing the national anthem of a smaller country, like Canada or Ecuador," one
insider
01/30/02: CLINTON DELIVERS FIRST 'STATE OF CHAPPAQUA' ADDRESS <
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