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Jewish World Review Feb. 20, 2002 / 8 Adar, 5762

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

Johnny Cochran: 'Walker was framed!'



Frequently Rhyming Lawyer Joins American Taliban's Defense Team

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com --
CALL it A Tale of Two Johnnies.

It's been the worst of times for American Taliban Johnny Walker -- but it's about to become the best of times, if his new defense lawyer, Johnnie Cochran of O.J. Simpson fame, has anything to say about it.

And he does.

"The tape of Walker confessing was faked by the CIA," Cochran told reporters, giving a preview of the defense he is preparing for Walker. "If the tape's a fake, throw it in the lake."

Cochran claims that Walker was not fighting on the same side as the Taliban, but that the American was drugged and then shipped to Afghanistan by former LAPD detective Mark Fuhrman.

Once in Afghanistan, Fuhrman, working in concert with Colombian drug lords and former Playboy model Faye Reznick, glued a fake beard on Walker in order to complete the frame-job.

"If that's not a real beard, then something's pretty weird," Cochran said.

For his part, Cochran remains convinced of one thing: the innocence of his client.

"If Walker's not a traitor, don't throw him in a crater," Cochran said.

Reporters were puzzled by just exactly what Mr. Cochran meant by that statement.

"I have no idea," Cochran chuckled. "I just thought it sounded kind of cool."



JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.

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© 2002, Andy Borowitz