Jewish World Review August 15, 2002 / 7 Elul, 5762
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The Post Office released four new stamps which show illustrations of bats on them. The stamps depict the pallid bat, the spotted bat, the leaf-nosed bat and the red bat. The government is suddenly happy to honor anything that eats mosquitoes.
Charles Schwab said Tuesday this bear market is one of the worst he has ever endured as a stockbroker. Investors are shaken. Since May, six trillion dollars has been taken out of the stock market and transferred safely into Elvis memorabilia.
The PGA starts today in Minnesota at the Hazeltine Country Club. There will be thirty-five luxury tents for corporate executives near the sixteenth hole. The tents are deployed in a defensive circle made famous by George Armstrong Custer.
Martha Stewart demanded on Tuesday that Congress issue a statement clearing her of all charges. She desperately needs to deflect public attention away from her insider trading. However, she would rather go to jail than spend August in Texas.
Boston's Cardinal Bernard Law admitted Tuesday he promoted a sexually abusive priest without checking his background. Priests are expected to lead people in a positive way while living a life of celibacy. It's why the Kennedys chose politics.
The Pentagon received a secret briefing Friday depicting Saudi Arabia as our enemy. Our cultures are nothing alike. Women in Saudi Arabia get stoned when they commit adultery unlike Los Angeles where women commit adultery when they get stoned.
Congressman J.C. Watts participated in passing drills at Washington Redskins training camp Monday. He completed seven passes in a row. He's not running for re-election so it didn't hurt him to accidentally tie Bill Clinton's Oval Office record.