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Jewish World Review March 20, 2002 / 7 Nisan, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | Jerry Tarkanian announced his retirement from college basketball coaching to become a consultant at Fresno State. What a legendary career he's had. This guy was denying all wrongdoing when Bill Clinton was just a twinkle in his father's eye.

ABC agreed to prominently feature Revlon in an All My Children story line in exchange for millions. It gets even worse. Next week on Nightline, Ted Koppel will investigate whether the Mideast is, in reality, experiencing a Big Mac Attack.

The Boston Herald called for Archbishop Bernard Law to resign after more sex scandals surfaced in his diocese. How lurid are they? Tonya Harding has just signed a deal with the Fox Network to exchange confessions with a priest on live TV.

New Jersey ordered Atlantic City casinos to sever their ties with accounting firm Arthur Andersen. This was the final blow. When you make a living cheating poor suckers out of their hard-earned money, you hate to lose your casino accounts.

President Bush proposed a $117 billion tax cut on Tuesday. Democrats said it would throw the budget into deficit and destroy Social Security. The difference between an election year and a Broadway play is sometimes actors forget their lines.

Al Gore bumped into reporters at Fisk University in Nashville on Monday with his beard completely shaved off. He was unbelievably cheerful. He had the look of a man who had just breezed through airport security for the first time in months.

Great Britain announced Monday they will dispatch 1,700 troops to Afghanistan to help the U.S. fight the war on Al Qaeda. It's a last resort. We have tried every possible way to get the terrorists to come out of their caves except bagpipes.

General Tommy Franks announced Monday Operation Anaconda is officially over and the mission was an unqualified success. However, reports persist that the bad guys got away. The mystery is, how did they get an L.A. jury into those mountains?

Bill Clinton spoke at a conference in the Dominican Republic Monday. He was paid a fee of $100,000 plus expenses for himself and his entourage, bringing the total to $250,000. And that's before they inventory the paintings and the furniture.

JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.


© 2002, Argus Hamilton