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Jewish World Review March 19, 2002 / 6 Nisan, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Dick Cheney admitted Sunday his entire 12-nation Mideast trip was dominated by the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. He had thought he could go there and spend his time talking to world leaders about Iraq. It's like he's been living in a cave.

General Anthony Zinni continued his Middle East peace mission Sunday despite more violence between Israelis and Palestinians. The Oslo agreement between them is now in shreds. It's good to know that Arthur Andersen has at least one client left.

President Bush threatened America's enemies Friday with limited nuclear war. This kind of tough talk gets results. Just last month, he accused Iraq, Iran and North Korea of being the Axis of Evil, and within two days, France surrendered.

Lady Thatcher is lobbying for a North Atlantic Free Trade Agreement between Britain and the United States. The last time we had this arrangement, America couldn't stand being ordered around by King George. The question now is, can Britain?

Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah accepted an invitation to visit President Bush in Washington D.C. The good news is, he'll be allowed to land at Reagan Airport. The bad news is, he will not be allowed to leave his seat for the last ten hours prior to arrival.

Roger Clinton was accused by a House report Thursday of selling presidential pardons. The report also says Hillary's brothers Tony and Hugh sold access to the Oval Office. The Sopranos just got HBO so they can watch The Clintons every Sunday night.

New York City will place fake TV cameras on Manhattan street corners to give pause to speeding drivers. The cameras look totally real. Yesterday, traffic was snarled for five hours when they couldn't get Liza Minnelli out of the intersection.

Billionaire Philip Anschutz wants to build an NFL stadium in downtown L.A. to attract an NFL franchise. He vowed they would build a championship team the Los Angeles way. That's fine, but how do you sleep your way to the top in pro football?

JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.


© 2002, Argus Hamilton