Jewish World Review July 25, 2002 /16 Menachem-Av, 5762
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Fenway Park's tribute to Ted Williams Monday wasn't attended by his daughter or his son. One wants to have him cremated and the other wants him frozen. In an effort to please both kids, the event was sponsored by Fire and Ice muscle ointment.
Old Spice announced San Antonio, Dallas and Houston are the three sweatiest cities in America. Air conditioning is no help at all. Until these Halliburton and Enron scandals blow over, people in all the nice neighborhoods are sweating bullets.
Wall Street took off Monday with a roller coaster ride on the Dow Jones. The market dropped 200, then it shot up 220, fluttered, then it dropped 280 and left investors breathless. Now everyone knows what it's like to be Dick Cheney for a day.
Democratic Senator Carl Levin expressed support Monday for the overthrow of Saddam Hussein. The Iraqi leader eliminated thousands of people, plundered the treasury and caused mass destruction. Until recently nobody even knew he had an MBA.
Colin Powell spent all weekend on the phone mediating between King Mohammed of Morocco and Spain's foreign minister. The time was right. MCI customers are calling everybody they know thinking they won't get a bill at the end of the month.
Al Gore announced Monday he will not attend a Democratic Leadership Council meeting in New York City this week. He's absolutely exhausted. During a speech last week, Al Gore went dead in mid-sentence and Tipper had to change his batteries.
Florida Democrats raised $50,000 Friday night by holding Janet Reno's Dance Party in South Beach. It's only the beginning. Fifty thousand dollars is peanuts compared to what the Democrats could raise by holding Bill Clinton's Slumber Party.