Jewish World Review August 12, 2002 / 4 Elul, 5762
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Wall Street recovered slightly last week from the sell-off that has reduced the Dow Jones by two thousand points and trillions in value. However, the numbers didn't all retreat. In the last four weeks, retirement age has soared from 65 to 72.
Aquarium of the Americas in New Orleans had a platform collapse over a shark tank Thursday. It was frightening. People weren't safely out of the water before Democrats claimed that legs not bitten all the way through should count as votes for Al Gore.
The Aquarium of the Americas in New Orleans experienced a collapsed platform on Thursday, dumping ten visitors into the shark tank. It was very nearly fatal. The minute they were all pulled out of the water, six of them were bit by mosquitoes.
Former Tyco CEO Dennis Kozlowski is under investigation by the Manhattan district attorney's office for siphoning corporate money. It was revealed he spent $6,000 of company funds for a shower curtain. Detectives were tipped off when they noticed a NASA logo on the curtain.
Hillary Clinton tried to invite herself to the Crawford ranch Friday. There's a good reason she wants to travel fifteen hundred miles west in August. No one will think she is a serious candidate for president until she distances herself from Bill Clinton.
President Bush went jogging at his Crawford ranch Thursday and then went out and chopped wood that afternoon. The temperature was one hundred degrees in the shade. The idea is to persuade the Arab world that he's crazy enough to do anything.
Ted Williams' executor said Thursday he believes the Splendid Splinter wanted to be frozen following his death. That was just one of his many nicknames. Luckily for him, the Refrigerator will always belong to William Perry of the Chicago Bears.
Washington D.C. recorded its first human case of West Nile Virus Tuesday. There's no defense. All the politicians and lobbyists are out of town on vacation, so there is no chance of the mosquitoes dying from biting any superior breed of bloodsuckers.
Imclone CEO Sam Waksal was indicted on Wednesday for insider trading on Wall Street. It's just the tip of this iceberg. There may be more arrests, depending on whether surgeons at UCLA Medical Center can separate Martha Stewart from her story.
Saddam Hussein offered to negotiate arms inspections in a speech on Iraqi TV Thursday. He looked nervous, and for good reason. He's been receiving love letters from Anna Nicole Smith and she only goes for oil barons with less than one month to live.