Jewish World Review Jan. 16, 2004 / 22 Teves, 5764
Lori Borgman
Cheap eats in college? Use your noodle
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
If you are what you eat, we should probably slap a sticker on our
son that says, "Cook three minutes and stir occasionally."
He just moved home from college to begin a seven-month internship
and brought the entire contents of his apartment with him. The bulk of his
earthly possessions consist of Ramen noodles. We have enough Ramen
in our garage to bulk up a heavily populated Third World nation
The package boasts that "ramen noodles are versatile." Indeed they
are. College students have been known to use Ramen noodles for breakfast,
lunch, dinner, shampoo and conditioner.
If you have not experienced the culinary delight, imagine a box of
legal size envelopes shredded lengthwise (box included), curled and then
simmered in boiling water. Now add a lethal dose of MSG and you have the
full Top Ramen experience.
"So, you really like this stuff, huh?" I ask, lugging the third
box-full of pork flavored noodles into the garage.
"They're OK, but mainly they're cheap."
Ramen noodles are very cheap, which is why almost every college
student lives on them at some time or another. This is part of the college
education process. Learning how to be a poor college student prepares one
for graduating from college, taking an entry level job and becoming a poor
twenty-something.
Ramen noodles are a poor man's bread and butter, or in this case,
wheat and partially hydrogenated vegetable oil.. Ramen noodles were
advertised in a circular this week at 12 packs for a dollar. The thing is,
we don't need any more bargains on ramen noodles. What we need is a ramen
noodle buy-back program.
Naturally, since I drilled the kid on good nutrition as a child,
ramen noodles weren't the only thing he brought back from campus. He also
brought back two cans of generic hot chocolate mix and two large jars of
peanut butter.
That loud rumble you just heard emanating from the earth's core
was the food pyramid crashing to pieces.
As far as household furnishings go, he hauled home a couch and a
bed. I took one look at the couch and kindly suggested we donate it to a
charity. He kindly reminded me that he bought the couch himself (a monetary
exchange valued at 100 packs of artificial chicken flavored Ramen). He
also said that it would be extremely difficult to find another just like it.
He had me there. I would be very surprised if I was able to walk
into a department store and find a bright green sofa with seriously frayed
cushions and a 20-year-old musty scent.
The garage is so jam-packed that all three cars must now sit in
the driveway. All we need now are those little colored plastic flags
snapping in the wind and signs in the vehicle windshields offering $2,000
rebates, 36-month warranties and a one-year supply
of artificial chicken flavored Ramen.
On rare occasions when the garage door is open, it makes for a
terrible sight from the street. The last time the door was up, the doorbell
rang and there stood a couple of kids in their early twenties, their arms
full of ramen noodles. They asked if I wanted to check them out or direct
them to a U-scan.
I smiled and said they could buy from me directly. "They're a buck
a pack," I said. There's more than one way to pay for that college tuition.
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JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids. To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.
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© 2001, Lori Borgman
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