Jewish World Review May 23, 2003 / 21 Iyar, 5763

Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Arianna Huffington
Jeff Jacoby
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Michelle Malkin
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
MUGGER
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports


Faulty equations on the love calculator

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Nobody likes to receive bad news, especially not on the eve of their 25th wedding anniversary. The better half and I were sitting on the sofa when one of our daughters entered the room. She announced that she'd entered both our names into the Love Calculator and our relationship had an 18 percent chance of survival.

"Should we cancel tomorrow night's dinner reservations, hon?" I asked my husband.

"Not just yet," he said. "The marriage has lasted this long, let's give it at least another day."

Turning to our daughter, I asked, "What is a love calculator and did you save the receipt?"

"It's a Web site," she said. "www.lovecalculator.com"

"So what's the test based on?" hubby asked. "Personality types, character traits, that kind of thing?"

"No," she said, shaking her head.

"Well, does it ask questions about family backgrounds, education, income? You know, demographics?"

"No," she said. "You type in first and last names and the calculator tells you the chance of your relationship surviving."

And to think we went to lengthy pre-marital counseling sessions with a pastor when we could have used the Love Calculator. Of course, the internet wasn't around 25 years ago. Back then it was merely a twinkle in Al Gore's eye.

Ha, ha, ha. The Love Calculator. What a hoot. Who takes something like that seriously?

I do. I bee-lined to the computer and went to the site. The Love Calculator, should you be interested in the scientific background, is the invention of Doctor Love. I didn't see that one coming, did you? "We all know a name can tell a lot about a person," the site says. "Names are not randomly chosen. The Love Calculator is an affective (sic) way to get an impression of what the chances are on a relationship between certain people."

I typed in our names and saw that the kid was right. The calculator on the hot pink background said we had only an 18 percent chance of making it. I quote: "Dr. Love thinks a relationship might work out, but the chance is very small."

It was shocking to see a highly scientific model of prediction giving us such slim odds. I entered other names to see how they fared. My mom and dad, who have been married 52 years, yielded a paltry 18 percent chance of success as well.

On the other hand, the one without the ring, Eddie Fisher and Elizabeth Taylor, netted a 97 percent chance of success. The only couple I checked who scored higher on the love calculator than Liz and Eddie was Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, with a 99.

Zsa Zsa Gabor and Any Man scored a 33 percent chance at happiness and Hugh Grant and Ellen DeGeneres (I know, I know, but why not give it a try?) netted a 41 percent chance or survival. Even a couple like Newt Gingrich and Hillary Clinton scored higher than we did. They were a 74. The only couple I entered who scored worse than my husband and me was Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley. Some comfort.

Frankly, I'd use a different set of data for predicting the odds of a relationship lasting; factors like whether both parties can occasionally purse their lips together and utter the words, "I'm sorry."

Can she live with a little dirt? Can he learn to put the toilet seat down?

Do they share a common faith? Do they know the meaning of the word team? Do both parties have a sense of humor?

So much for the Love Calculator. Eighteen percent. Hmmmpf.

It's nice to know we beat the odds.

Enjoy this writer's work? Why not sign-up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.


JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids. To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

05/16/03: Busted for Oreos!
05/09/03: Mom plus shipping equals excitement
05/02/03: Mom shudders at thought of the m-a-l-l
04/21/03: Mother Confessions
04/11/03: Husband snoring: Hit or mist
04/04/03: Flip flops hashed at the lunch table
03/28/03: Bare facts on protesters
03/21/03: Madonna: Like an Author
03/17/03: Mom develops rapport with son's answering machine
03/07/03: The call for courage
02/28/03: My relationship with Mister Rogers
01/31/03: Mom pushes memories out the door
01/24/03: Picture this! Human 'beans'
01/10/03: Password, please!
12/31/02: Who it was a good year for
12/06/02: Radio show guarantees family-size audience
12/02/02: High-seas adventure would enlist few takers today
11/15/02: Frozen turkey makes cook chicken out
11/15/02: What's going on with "going out?"
11/01/02: The crazy mind of middle-age
10/25/02: Relationship rooted in willow talk
10/18/02: The challenge of being spontaneous
10/11/02: No wheels, no keys, no problem?
10/04/02: Lessons of a childhood survivor --- my children's
09/20/02: "Cutting the Cord" to the Tube
09/13/02: Over there
08/30/02: The Last One Left
08/23/02: Rare sighting made on the patio
08/16/02: Kids get reality paycheck
08/08/02: We look like this . . . no, Kidman!
08/02/02: We should be a nation of 'nuts'!
07/26/02: Hold your applause --- please!
07/19/02: Greed and Mints on the Pillows
07/12/02: Remodeling: Blueprint for Disaster
07/08/02: The Botox wrinkle
06/28/02: One perfect day
06/21/02: Flush with excitement
06/14/02: The Ways a Father Says "I Love You"
06/07/02: Garage Sale Treasures
05/31/02: No Pudgy Hour at the gym
05/19/02: Ozzy, if you come for dinner, bring change
05/19/02: Instant Messaging and LOL
05/10/02: Some mothers get something more
05/03/02: I Nudge, Therefore I Am
04/25/02: Motherhood is seasonal work
04/19/02: Paper trail to college
04/12/02: What to cook or not to cook
03/31/02: Mom and Dad Break Curfew
03/22/02: Introducing P.P.M. (Partners Per Month)
03/15/02: Birth of a Pothole
03/08/02: When Enron Momma gets mad
03/01/02: Little hope for bookaholic
02/22/02: Wrestling with prejudice
02/15/02: Say What?
02/08/02: Kitchen intelligence
02/01/02: Age-old words
01/25/02: Abortion: Switching Sides
01/18/02: Kids, take note
01/11/02: The heart-stopper e-mail
01/04/02: The slightly sunny side of 2001
12/28/01: The Way Things Work
11/30/01: The Leftover Shuffle begins
11/27/01: Glasses bring age into focus
11/16/01: A different portion of Thanks
11/09/01: The Next Stage of Parenting
11/01/01: Of boys and patriotism
10/26/01: College Son the Invisible Man
10/19/01: Out of the closet ... and into the school
10/12/01: A Parent's Guide to Dating
10/05/01: "Taking Care of You"
09/28/01: Time indivisible
09/24/01: Refueling capitalism
09/14/01: A time to mourn
09/07/01: Lack of modesty stirs the troops
08/31/01: Scholarship search an education
08/24/01: The test for parents
08/17/01: Immodest proposals
08/10/01: Trying to R-r-r-re-re-relax
08/03/01: It may be shabby and chic, but it ain't cheap
07/20/01: Bride showered with sage advice
07/13/01: Baby Bear Finds Driving "Just Right"
07/06/01: Pale at the Thought of Bronze
06/29/01: A Dog's Best Friend
06/22/01: Rethinking fatherhood
06/14/01 Don't forget to lock the door
06/07/01 How grandma punishes her kids
06/01/01 Hearing voices
05/25/01 Cyborgs for Better or Worse
05/18/01 The death of Common Sense

© 2001, Lori Borgman