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Jewish World Review Oct. 12, 2001 / 25 Tishrei, 5762
Lori Borgman
http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- MY philosophy on when children should start dating is the same as my philosophy on when children should be allowed to stop napping - not until they're 21 or leave home, whichever comes first. Like all responsible parents with two teenage daughters, we're looking for ways to get to know the young men interested in dating our girls. Yes, we're talking about that awkward time when a fellow strides to the door and introduces himself to Mom and Pop. We invite him into the house, give him the visual once over, engage in awkward chit chat and search for some subtle way to relay to the boy a palpable fear beyond Hitchcock's North by Northwest but just short of bonafide shock. My husband says leaving Bibles on every counter and table top in the house is a bit heavy handed. He also made me change the voice-mail recording on the phone that said, "Leave a message, we can't talk right now. We've taken the family to the fairgrounds for the Gun and Knife Show." I know he's right about trying to find middle ground, but a mother doesn't let go easily. Hey, he's not exactly Mr. Calm with the Bushnell binoculars and the Max Million QBeam searchlight parked by the front window. Hitting our stride with the dating phenomena is a complex process that we're still fine tuning. Clearly, the most sensible approach is to conduct an assessment based on a point scale. We meet young men at the front door with a clipboard, No. 2 pencil and list of 7 simple yes-no questions.
Level 2 involves innocent, casual conversation that begins by offering the poor nervous chap something cool to drink. "Can we get you a beverage? Soda pop? Ice water? Cold beer?" If the kid even LOOKS like he thinks number three is a possibility, he's history. If he passes the beverage question, we ask about school. "Who is the principal of your school anyway?" If he hesitates and stammers, this is a good sign. If the principal's name rolls off his tongue, he can describe the principal's office furniture in detail and recite the suspension policy from memory, this is a bad sign. He must flee the premises running. The final round of "Yes, You May Date My Daughter" is nothing more than word definition. "Young man, how do you define the word curfew?" In the event we and the boy don't see eye-to-eye on curfew, we tell him, "Sorry, but it looks like it's going to be a short date. Time's up."
Next week: Why you should never have let your teenage son graduate
from a Big Wheels to a car, and why it is probably too late to do much
about it
10/05/01: "Taking Care of You"
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