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Jewish World Review June 22, 2001 / 1 Tamuz, 5761

Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
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Consumer Reports

Rethinking fatherhood -- WHAT better time to test your knowledge about that elusive man called dad than the month of June when we celebrate Father's Day? Grab a pencil, put on your thinking cap and get ready, because here comes the Father Quiz. You might learn a thing or two about the old man you didn't know before.

1. Next to food, water and Gummi Bears, one of the most fundamental needs of every child is:

a) to be enrolled in a travel league sports program by age 6
b) to be loved by a father

2. Men who are affectionate and demonstrative and spend time with their babies are more likely to have securely attached infants. These men are known as:

a) slobbering sissies
b) extremely smart fathers

3. You are a kid asleep in the back seat of the car, coming home late at night from a long trip. You feel the car rounding corners, hear the turn signal click and are jostled as the back tires lunge over the hump before the driveway. The arms that scoop you up and carry you inside most likely belong to:

a) your great Aunt Alice who suffers from arthritis and will be 102 next March
b) your father

4. Children's first impression of G-d is often formed by their relationships with:

a) Billy Graham
b) their father

5. A boy will best learn how to become a man by:

a) reading the insert that comes with the new Gillette Mach 3 razor
b) spending time with his father

6. A boy will learn how to treat women with respect, gentleness and kindness by watching:

a) a sex-ed teacher who is in good standing with the NEA
b) a father who treats a mother with respect, gentleness and kindness

7. The parent most likely to encourage children to engage in taking risks, pursuing adventure, seeking independence and roughhousing in the family room is:

a) a mother
b) a father

8. When you have one of these in your home, your teen-ager will be twice as likely to stay in high school:

a) a new set of encyclopedias
b) a father

9. Outwardly, teen-age girls may appear untalkative around their dads, yet inwardly they long for male attention. These gals are more likely to make healthy, moral decisions when they receive love and attention from:

a) some guy with sagging pants they meet at the mall
b) their father

10. Some sociologists say that the next dividing line between the haves and have-nots will be whether a person grows up with or without:

a) light skin
b) a father

11. Small children abandoned by their fathers sometimes cope with this profound loss by creating:

a) an imaginary playmate cross between Allen Iverson and Big Bird
b) an imaginary father cross between a wish and a dream

12. Tonight, one in three children will go to sleep in a home without:

a) cable television
b) a father

The answers to the questions? Father. Each and every time the answer is father. The key to our strength and success as a culture and a nation rests upon the shoulders of fathers. To all you men who take the job of being a father seriously -- congratulations! -- you're a winner.

JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids. To comment, please click here.

06/14/01 Don't forget to lock the door
06/07/01 How grandma punishes her kids
06/01/01 Hearing voices
05/25/01 Cyborgs for Better or Worse
05/18/01 The death of Common Sense

© 2001, Lori Borgman