Jewish World Review Nov. 12, 2003 / 17 Mar-Cheshvan, 5764

Lloyd Grove

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Consumer Reports

Not so Rosie; do you believe in miracles?; catalogue of sins; My Heart Belongs to Koppel | NEW YORK — Magazine writer Judith Newman must rank fairly high on Rosie O'Donnell's enemies list.

On the witness stand Monday in Superior Court, O'Donnell likened the 42-year-old Newman — who wrote a Vanity Fair piece about the nasty death of Rosie magazine — to "the nebbishy Jewish girl who worked for the (audiovisual club)" in high school.

On Tuesday, Scarsdale High School alum Newman responded to's report of O'Donnell's under-oath comments. "I can only say what I said to all my friends: If you're under 10 years old, she definitely loves you. If you're a Jewish girl or a breast cancer survivor, it's a little iffier," Newman said. "For the record, I wasn't in the AV club."

Newman added that when she was doing interviews for her Vanity Fair story last year, she bet O'Donnell a lunch that Gruner + Jahr would sue her over the magazine's demise. But O'Donnell, the loser of the bet, has yet to pay up.

"I sent Rosie an e-mail saying that I may be a nebbishy Jewish girl, but I don't welsh on a bet," Newman said, in what I sincerely hope was not yet another derogatory ethnic reference. "Listen, I don't think Rosie is an anti-Semite, and she's not against people with breast cancer. She just has a big mouth."

Meanwhile, Newman predicted that O'Donnell will prevail in court. My prediction: No lunch with Rosie will be forthcoming.


Ted Koppel's rendition of "My Heart Belongs to Daddy" is no match for Marilyn Monroe's, but I sure liked the way he changed the words Monday night when he led the audience in a singalong during the Broadcasting & Cable Hall of Fame dinner at the Marriott Marquis.

The ABC News star couldn't resist taking shots at CBS, the state of television journalism in general and fellow Hall of Fame inductee Frank Magid, the human behavior research czar who invented the "happy talk" local news format.

Here are Koppel's lyrics: The market's changed,
It's rearranged;
An e-mail or two
And in no time . . .
Acute distress
Afflicts CBS;
Ron and Nancy play on Showtime.

What happened to
Those giants who
Took on the establishment proudly?
I just confess,
These days we do less,
But we do it
Much more loudly.

It's great to know
What surveys show;
How Magid and Co. would've played it.
But run that plan
When 'Nightline' began,
And I never would've made it.

The Hall of Fame
Now adds my name.
It's great to be out of the traffic.
But if you please,
These co-honorees
Are a lousy demographic.
So consider what you're doing, Just remember you may want to strive For a demo' that's really worth having . . . Only males, who are sub-25.


CATALOGUE OF SINS: Abercrombie & Fitch's soft-porn Christmas Catalogue has stirred up a hornet's nest of morality groups who are outraged by alleged debasement of the popular culture. Tuesday the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, an Ohio-based nonprofit funded by 4,000 donors, launched a campaign on Christian radio stations in New York and elsewhere calling for a boycott of all A&F outlets. "We're saying that people should protest against their sexualized marketing philosophy aimed at teenagers," the group's leader, Rick Schatz, told me. A&F rep Hampton Carney responded: "We are marketing this magazine to customers who are over 18 and can prove it with a photo ID. . . . We agree with parents — it is not appropriate for kids. And that's why we put these procedures in place."

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?: Sometimes even the paparazzi take direction. At Glamour magazine's Women of the Year event Monday, a respectful hush fell over the press room in the Museum of Natural History when Iraqi war veterans Jessica Lynch and Shoshana Johnson arrived for their photo op. Lynch, who is recovering from grievous injuries, hobbled up the steps on crutches with the aid of two security men. Then Johnson, who was also wounded, made her way on her own. The two faced the cameras, and the shutterbugs, instead of their usual shouting, actually whispered to the two war heroes to turn this way and that.

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11/10/03: Gen. clark on the Subway diet; life of the party; MTV's Dumb and Dumber?; the hug issue; but does the $6,000 shower curtain convey?; red faces at Buckingham palace?<
11/06/03: Let them eat pita?; verbal jousting; pretenders to the throne?
11/05/03: Will Harvey Weinstein and Gregg Easterbrook now be pals?; crazed Quentin; more
11/04/03: Herding off the hipsters; more
11/03/03: Dean's tell-all on himself?; Lisaraye vs. Mya?; the odd couple; no need to panic; just don't call him "Scooter"!; Rosie scenarios
10/30/03: Autumn of the editor?; Cynthia Nixon's split may be costly; 'Burning' questions
10/29/03: Ah-nold, unauthorized!; a dilemma for Melissa Gilbert? not even Frank Gifford can help him now!; nobody wanted Elizabeth Hurley
10/28/03: It's Cher calling!; Brown Alert
10/27/03: Paparazzi uncensored!; where's Aaron Brown?; postcards from the middle; invasion of the party snatchers?; House flooded when not afire?; suspenders of disbelief?
10/23/03: Ace up Howard Dean's sleeve; Woody's ordeal; Paul Simon's kid makes good; the non-beginning of a beautiful friendship?
10/22/03: Showing the flag; Joe Frazier, smokin'!; see Carville bruised-up — sort of
10/21/03: Morris & Jaci's charm offensive; Hell hath no fury; Wintertime for Hitler
10/20/03: Isn't it rich?; men (and the occasional woman) behaving badly; peacenik John Lennon supporting the U.S. military?; courageous Connie
10/16/03: George Clooney and intolerable Drudgery; Cameron goes native; and you thought the war in Iraq was nasty?; now it can be revealed; star wars?
10/15/03: Kerik into the breach?; holiday pander?; "the Dink" corrects the record; more
10/14/03: Madge gets mad, lips are sealed; the candidates who listen; he who hesitates is Beatty
10/13/03: Clothes, but no cigar; New Yorkers put a Sox in it; mad at Matalin?; more
10/09/03: Gray Davis goes to the movies; Ali Wentworth, working blue; Law & Order?; pot of gold at the end of the rainbow room?
10/08/03: Art-time for Hitler; the actress who hates movies; lying "Liam"
10/07/03: Pond scum of the rich and famous
07/24/03: Ali and George, living it up; Mel Gibson's Washington power play
07/21/03: White House smear?
07/17/03: Yet another intern scandal; it's her party and she can pay if she wants to
07/14/03: On the auction block: JFK'S boxer shorts; love bytes the maestro
07/10/03: A hairy situation at Homeland Security; Van Susteren v. Orth
06/30/03: Rep. Patrick Kennedy: I've never worked a (bleeping) day in my life; Drudge's dressing down; Ken Lay's Kerry connection
06/26/03: Rapping the beat
06/23/03: Another Watergate scandal?; AL GORE TV!
06/19/03: Tony Snow, rocker?; that won't be crow on Mr. Carlson's plate
06/16/03: Missing dog, ransom demand, Hollywood ending
06/12/03: Giving both parties the needle
06/05/03: Incoming from Barbara Bush?
06/02/03: Bob Dole's plan for fighting unemployment
05/29/03: Newt's new novel
05/27/03: Hitchens & Blumenthal, together again; He still believes in a man called Hope
05/09/03: Close, but no cigar; Romeo & Juliet with a happy ending?; Geraldo to help Heebs?
05/05/03: So Bill Gates and Tom Brokaw walk into a coffee bar . . .; hotel hell; more

© 2003, Creators Syndicate